Insomnia and loneliness go hand in handInsomnia is a lonely affair. No one’s up at night to keep you company, no one’s awake to talk on the phone. Apart from anonymous exchanges on the internet, you’re cut off from the warmth of conversation.

Nor can you give yourself fully to things that might otherwise appeal. Mentally and physically at low ebb, you can’t engage and take pleasure in many activities you normally enjoy.

Darkness restricts your ability to see beyond the walls of your home. You don’t get the long view, the familiar distracters. Inevitably you’re thrust inside yourself. And that can be distressing.

“You have these terrible, terrible night thoughts,” the novelist Ella Leffland said in an interview some years ago. “I think when you have insomnia, this is something that you come to understand very well: that you are alone and you are yourself, and nobody’s going to help you get through the darkest hours.”

Lonely by Day

This sense of isolation doesn’t necessarily end with the coming of the day. Trying to talk about persistent insomnia may make you feel misunderstood and lonelier still, as one participant in a focus group explained: “I feel very isolated about, basically, that nobody can conceive what it’s like … they once had a bad night’s sleep and so they ‘know what it’s like’  and they ‘just got over it’ … so it’s something obviously lacking in me.”

Christie, an insomniac I interviewed for my book, had a sympathetic fiancé, but there was no one in her life who really understood her situation. “I still feel like I’m alone with the problem,” she said. “It’s something that I’m going to have to figure out on my own.”

Avoiding Others

People with chronic insomnia may also turn away from personal contact, isolating themselves even further:

“When I haven’t had enough sleep, I want to be isolated and not have to make a lot of decisions.”

“I don’t contribute in the group chats. I often feel as if I just want to be alone and will disappear during break.

“I feel drowsy, unproductive, grumpy, sometimes tearful and anti-social. I just want to be left alone.”

Insomnia is about more than just poor sleep. Sometimes it’s about isolation, 24/7.

Posted by Lois Maharg, The Savvy Insomniac

Lois Maharg has worked with language for many years. She taught ESL, coauthored two textbooks, and then became a reporter, writing about health, education, government, Latino affairs, and food. Her lifelong struggle with insomnia and interest in investigative reporting motivated her to write a book, The Savvy Insomniac: A Personal Journey through Science to Better Sleep. She now freelances as an editor and copy writer at On the Mark Editing.

2 Comments

  1. Leffland is right. The ruminations can be horrible, especially ones about regrets and shame regarding things which can’t be taken back or repaired.

    Like

    Reply

  2. The worst thoughts do seem to occur at night! And have real staying power.

    Like

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s